A brief guide to online dating


Submitted by Nigel, aka SubDirectory (3), 11 June 2012



There are lots of online dating sites these days, both for fetish and non-fetish people, and if you're not used to them, it can be tricky getting to grips with the etiquette - after all, you don't want to upset people when you're chatting online, do you? So, here are some handy hints and tips from BLUF's webmaster

First, remember - it's all about you! You're a beautiful person, and very few people – if any – are quite as wonderful as you are. Keep that in mind, and follow our simple guidelines below, and you too can find love and fulfilment, or simply amazing sex, through the myriad of online hookup sites and apps.

Your friends must be beautiful too!
You're a beautiful person; you deserve beautiful friends – ones that you might even think about sleeping with one day! So, if you say on your profile that you're just looking for friends or people to chat with, don't be shy about telling people you don't fancy them. They'll understand that you simply can't bear to be friends if they're not as good looking as you, or if there's never going to be the chance of quickie when you're on party drugs.

Don't be afraid to block!
Obviously, when you're a wonderful person, it can be deeply traumatic being contacted by people that you just don't want to have sex with. Many sites are designed to help avoid this issue, allowing you to look at profiles and block people before they even have the chance to contact you. It's a good idea to look through lots of profiles as soon as you sign up, and click the block button to save yourself being approached by unsuitable people. Really, you're doing them a favour; if the ugly people can't approach you in the first place, they won't have to worry about you rejecting them, will they?

Let the computer do the talking!
You're not only beautiful, but you're probably pretty busy too, what with the gym, the body waxing and all that hanging out with your beautiful friends. So why waste time telling ugly people that you're not interested in them, when the computer can do it for you? Most sites have a button you can click to send someone a standard message. It's a simple and easy way to let them down, and you don't need to worry about hurting their feelings, as a boilerplate message is always so much easier to take. After all, if they're not as gorgeous and special as you, they'll have had tons of them by now.

Rate, rate and rate again!
Lots of dating sites have a way that you can vote to let people know how gorgeous you think they are. Obviously, it's very important to maintain your position at the top of the list, and you should do everything you can to stay there. Sometimes, it's good to give high votes to people who are, frankly, not very glamorous at all. They'll be so flattered by the attention of a beautiful person like yourself that they're sure to vote for you – and you can always use the block function if they try to talk to you! And remember, if you see someone who's got a rating higher than you think they deserve, give them a low one to bring down their average. It's a battle out there, and you don't want to end up in the top ten list next to people who, frankly, aren't in the same league, do you?

Keep your options open!
There are thousands of people online, and some of them - though obviously, not too many - are almost as wonderful as you. So don't worry about arrangements you've made with one person, if someone better comes along and chats to you. You don't even need to explain why you didn't turn up – after all, no one would expect you to accept second best, would they?

Originally published on my own web site, 2006

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